Hey Future!….Where are You?

OK, here we are, in the FUTURE. Actually, everyday we live is another step into the great unknown that we used to see on the Twilight Zone and read about in comic books. Look at the calendar for just a second and think about what you see. We now have a two with ever increasing triple digits. It sounds so futuristic, but in reality, I have a hard time putting it into a big whoop perspective as well as the mind boggling and all changing event it was originally billed to be.

Remember growing up with all the artist conceptions of what it would be like living in the next century? To be frank about it, I'm a little disappointed. Where are all the flying cars? Where are the robots that were supposed to be here to serve us and treat us like royalty? You mean a blue tooth is it? I was looking forward to the room size video screens where you could flip a button and talk to people. If HDTV and cutesy cell phones is the best we can do, I must admit that I feel a wee bit cheated. Think about this as a mile marker in time. We have now left George Orwell's 1984 in the dust. Prince is almost an antique now as we have already done partied well through 1999, and we are now notable years removed from hearing Hal the computer sing "Daisy" in what was supposed to be the defining movie for futuristic activity.

If you've noticed, there have been very few new projections on what the future will look like lately. I think all the eggheads that do that kind of stuff feel like me. At this point, they are so disappointed that the standard mode of modern day transportation is not the Jet Pack that they have all just given up. Hollywood does occasionally try to inspire us as to what we can expect in the year 2075. To be truthfully honest, it's just the old stuff rehashed over and over again.

Scientists in 1960 said that by the year 2000 we would be able to slip over and visit our friends in other dimensions. I'm sure those folks are all fairly disappointed by now and maybe a little angry at our tardiness. Another sore point; what about time travel? As a kid, I couldn't wait for the day I could hop into my personal time machine and punch up 1925 so I could go back and have a few brew daddys with Babe Ruth. The Bambino always fascinated me. Not withstanding that even with all of his miscreant behavior, I think not even the Babe would be so socially reckless as to buy a nine year old kid a beer. Truthfully, I would have settled for a Dr. Pepper.

Let's talk about space travel. Boy, we really missed this one by light years didn't we? Back in 1969, Louisville Radio station WAKY actually gave away a free trip to the moon. Apparently sucked into the belief that by at least the 1980's, moon travel would be kin to a burger run through Rally's. They boldly went where no radio station contest had gone before and gave away this intergalactic vacation in good faith. The winner recently tried to sue the station to claim some sort of compensation to little or no avail. I'm sure he felt about as disappointed as George coming home from a hard day of pushing buttons to find that Astro had soiled the carpet again. Rut Row! Maybe I'm taking out my frustration on the state of the future a little too hard. There are some things that are pretty cool. Take the Internet. Who would have ever thought that with simply a keyboard and television monitor that you could actually pick up people and get dates anywhere in the World? "Hey, there's this chick in Moose Jaw that really loves the way I type, I think she's the one!" To think about it, I guess microwave ovens still do fascinate me. Even though they've been around for quite a while, I always get that futuristic thrill knowing I can have a bowl of popcorn in just 3 minutes and 40 seconds if I truly want. The microwave manufacturers certainly didn't give us consumers much credit for brains when it came to proper food selection. Most microwave ovens I've ever seen already have a "popcorn pre-select button." Now that's really taking away all the caveats for any kind of micro-danger.

I think the most advanced technology on the planet has come in the form of music and movies. In past articles, I have pontificated about the rise and fall of the audio/visual world. My VHS movies are simply the 8 tracks of the day as digital processing is now able to put everything we know on a thing that looks like the lid from the dog food can. While the terms bits and bytes still elude me, I can appreciate the simplicity of it all. Who ever thought with the future would bring a whole new set of laws one could break? I like it! The feeling of downloading free stuff from the Internet and making copies of CD's for all my friends is a thrill that's tantamount to pulling Java the Hut's tail.. I can see myself someday talking to the other guys in the cell block. "Yea, I'm here doing 3-5 for copying the latest Mariah Carey CD without paying the standard royalty fee. You want a piece of me?

So this is the future eh? I guess we'll just move on and deal with it best we can. Even though our cars still just role on the ground and people in other dimensions are still waiting, hey, what's the hurry? I guess we'll get there eventually. My only regret so far is not being able to talk with my major appliances and have them do what I ask. It would be nice to have someone else to blame for not filling up the ice cube trays. Do we still have those?

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Steve Hayes is a morning radio host and a syndicated columnist for Heartland Publishing.  E-mail Steve your comments... SteveHayes@sciotowireless.net  

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